Royal Melbourne Show

Went to The Royal Melbourne Show at the weekend - was expecting something even bigger and better than the Highland Show, but actually got the Highland Show's slightly cheesier, tackier cousin. Which doesn' t mean we didn't have a great time, but I don't know that I would rush back. It masquerades as an agricultural show, but I've seen more animlas at East Links Park.... The best way I can describe it is that it reminded me of a big version of 'The Shows' which used to come to Lanark once a year at Lanimer time. Lots of fairground rides, lots of 'try your luck' games you can't win, candyfloss and toffee apples...


Should be said that just after this picture was taken, Ella was running away from Nick and the candyfloss screaming 'no, no it's too fluffy'. Honestly, some children you just can't get to eat their sugar...

The major attraction as far as the kids were concerned was 'Showbag Hall'. My friend Lesley has a great description of Showbag Hall here , but I like to think of it as the Tavern of Tat, the Cavern of Covetousness, the Shrine to Sugar and the Palace of Plastic, all rolled into one. So you can imagine how much the kids loved it. Basically, show bags are themed around (usually) cartoon characters or confectionery of some description, and the idea is that the value of what is in the bag exceeds the cost of the bag itself. Not sure who works out the figures, but I feel sure they may have a background in the sub-prime mortgage market as the figures are fanciful to say the least! Anyway, I was fortunate enough to have read Lesley's description before going to the show: forewarned, etc... So an SAS sting operation was carried out - Enter through main doors, circle interior once, three single strikes on target, leave by side door! Success - one Ben 10 bag, one Cars bag and one Dora bag. All have proved to be remarkably resilient except the inflatable Dora magic wand ('this item is not to be used as a life preserver' - you don't say?) which has gone the way of most inflatable items in our house.


On the less tacky side, there was a great Food Hall stuffed with local Victorian delicacies - and proper 'produce' showbags, which is apparently how it all started. We bought the obligatory local beer, chutney and chilli-themed condiments. Those of you who know Nick will know that he likes his condiments feisty, and we already have a growing collection in the cupboard with names like Dragon's Blood and Funnelweb Bite. In my opinion, better names would be Gut Stripper and Brutal Bot, but apparently that's because I'm a big girl's blouse.


We did find some animals from time to time - Will and James had a go at milking a cow, but without much success - I think she had been in great demand over the course of the day, and being a cow in demand myself, I felt quite sorry for her. Fortunately I managed to persuade Ella that she didn't need to actually milk the cow when there was free strawberry milk on offer, but the other 40 odd kids in the line didn't look likely to be so easily distracted... Poor cow!!



Apart from that, the children met Ben 10, went on a big wavy slide, jumped on the bouncy castle, went on the roller coaster, saw a great BMX show, played with the huge HotWheels track, petted a lizard, learned about looking after pets and how to approach dogs safely, ate hotdogs and doughnuts and tried their hand at winning soft toys. Quote of the day from Ella - we saw a big, beautiful Neapolitan Mastiff which had been in one of the shows - 'why is he so sad?' she said. At which point the owner grabbed the dog's jowls and pulled them up into a weird canine version of the Joker.... Ella's look was as close to 'what the ....?' as it's possible to get on a child's face. It was hysterical.




They also came on the (very) big Ferris Wheel with me. You'll notice it was dark by this time - yes, we had managed to spend 8 hours there so I think it could be termed a successful day out! Best part of being on the Ferris Wheel was James and Will making silly faces at the teenage couple trying to have a snog in the next car. I think it spoiled the moment for them - but they ended up making faces back!





But I had to save the best for last. There are no words to describe this, so I won't even try. Pig Racing and Pig Diving. Really. Honestly. Cue music from Deliverance...